goodness (2/18/2005)

this is the second article i did that year for the MOPS newsletter.

Good Mom vs. Martyr Mom
as it appeared in The Grapevine on February 18, 2005

The last week or so at my house has not been very fun. Suffice it to say, we've ALL been sick and "needy" and for the days my husband was out of town I'd overplanned my days. In the midst of everyone's sickness, including my own, I still had to get them fed and keep things from descending into chaos--I could not wallow in my misery. I am a "good mom." Hey, there's the goodness thing I'd been thinking about. This would be the perfect anecdote about how I was a good mom even though I didn't feel like it.

Then my husband asked me a simple question that exposed my real motives: "How do you feel?" I unloaded: "Terrible, but I don't have the luxury of laying around until I feel better." So, I wasn't being good, I was doing good things. I wasn't being a good mom, I was being a martyr mom. I was sucking it up and doing what had to be done and waiting for someone to notice. This is reality a lot of the time for me, but surely not how goodness would look. Then what does goodness look like for me as a mom?

Goodness is, according to the dictionary, the quality or state of being good. Doing things even though I don't feel like it isn't me "being good," it is me going through the motions. Basically, this is what I know: (1) goodness is a fruit of the Spirit, which to me implies that I need the Holy Spirit, thus a relationship with Christ, to even have a shot at displaying goodness, especially since (2) the Bible tells us none of us are good (Psalm 14:3, Romans 3:12); and (3) Jesus tells us that we, even though we are evil, give our children good gifts (Matthew 7:11), which proves that we can DO good and still not BE good. Isn't assuming we are good at the core of a prideful heart, one that denies our need for a good God?

Here's my conclusion. It wasn't about doing the stuff I didn't want to do--about being the martyr mom that does it all and isn't appreciated and slowly grows bitter. It's about having a heart that wants to do those things because I want to please God. He, through the Holy Spirit who indwells me, gives me that supernatural gift of goodness for my family and everyone else around me. I have to choose daily to align my heart with God's heart and let Him be the SOURCE of the energy I need to care for my family. Without God, I'd eventually run out of steam, when my efforts were not recognized--because really, what kid applauds you for still doing the laundry and wiping his nose for the upteenth time. If I'm waiting for all my work and sacrifice to be "recognized," then I will be sadly disappointed. Jesus tells us our reward is not here but in heaven (Matthew 6:1-4)--we do good to please God. Now I just have to behave like I really believe that.