seeking Him

(april 2008)

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness;
and all these things shall be added unto you.
Matthew 6:33 (KJV)

When I was in college, my mom would write me letters and usually sign off with that verse. I was in rebellion and she was worried about me. She prayed I’d come back to God and stop relying on my own wits and strength to get the stuff I wanted out of life. I was prideful and arrogant and didn’t think I needed anyone to “make it.”

She knew better—a life without God was meaningless. I also think she figured any success in my life would be a blessing from God, so I needed him. For a long time, I also believed that the verse was about stuff. If I was right with God, I’d get the stuff I wanted.

Once I got married and came back to God, was reconciled to Him, I thought I’d taken care of that first condition. Check. I moved on to other verses that over the years have brought reassurance and hope in the God who inspired the words.

When I was trying to figure out what living the Christian life looked like:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)

When I worried about my marriage and my children:
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)

When all the bad stuff that kept happening confused me:
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28 (NKJV)

Most recently, when I thought it was my job was to be a junior holy spirit:
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13 (NIV)

My job was to TRUST God and His Word—not to fix things and be anxious, or to try and explain things, or to convince someone that God was trustworthy. I had to seek HIM and be filled with joy and peace and then OVERFLOW with the hope I had. Only this way would I be able to live a life that bore evidence that He lived in me—only with His help would I be able to display the Fruit of the Spirit.

During this last spring, as this revelation was slowing coming to me, I kept seeing Matthew 6:33. I had already figured out it wasn’t about stuff. I see now that I’d poured so much of what I’d heard growing up and what my mom had said to me into that verse.

I like the verse in the New Living Translation:

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously,
and he will give you everything you need.

Here’s the epiphany, the things I truly want and need are:
- To DAILY display love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control;
- In EVERYTHING to have the peace that surpasses all understanding—HIS peace;
- To trust God and His plan for my life; and
- To OVERFLOW with hope.

Of course, I still want to help others, but the BEST way to do that is to seek Him above all else! That means that I make time with Him (studying His word and praying) a PRIORITY—the first step is that I stop thinking that one or two more hours of sleep are worth how cranky and grouchy I am and what an ineffective wife and parent and child of God it makes me. I have to take time to nurture the most important relationship I have—the one with my Heavenly Father.