This same wiring also can paralyze me because of the overwhelming number of "what if" situations in life. I think this is part of why I hate using the phone--what if I can't answer a question? Yes, that is tied to my pride and assuming that I had to know everything.
That's ridiculous and another issue.
As a new parent, I remember being extremely anxious about making the "right" decision about a whole lot of things. Before my eldest reached school age, I was considering schooling options and entertaining the worse scenario for each. Somehow I'd managed to extrapolate a schooling choice to her susceptibility as a young adult to be lured into a cult.
Ridiculous, right? Yes. But very real.
At about that same time, I was spending more time in Bible study (as a new stay-at-home-mom) and I started to realize that I was treating what I was learning as if it didn't affect my WHOLE life. I could almost feel the gears shift when I discussed God and His amazing character--His sovereignty, His omnipotence, His relentless love, His tender care for each of His children.
Because I did recognize my anxiety I would use Phil.4:6-7 as a soothing mechanism.
Philippians 4:6-7New American Standard Bible (NASB)6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all[a]comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Whenever I found myself experiencing any anxiety, especially when my mind was whirring at night, I'd just repeat this to myself. Over and over. and over. Because I desperately wanted that peace. Especially when it came to my kids and how immensely responsible I felt for these little people.
I"m not sure how long it took me to read the NEXT two verses.
8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is [a]lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
Those words were key in helping me realize it was about REPLACING my anxious thoughts. I cannot just empty my mind of all anxiety-inducing thoughts, I had to fill it with these true and excellent things and push the anxious thoughts out.
But the epiphany in regards to the million terrible things I feared happening to my kids came with verse 9.
9 The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
The goal isn't peace for me or for them. The goal is GOD. If we "have" God then He has us. And all promises to His children become ours. I can claim His promises. I want ABOVE ALL for my children to rest in those promises too.
THEN no matter what happens--even tragedy and pain, it will ALL be used by God. Romans 8:28 unlocked that all for me.
Romans 8:28New American Standard Bible (NASB)28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
And my prayers for my children went from praying "horrible thing x" WOULDN'T happen (and I was quite talented in coming up with terrible scenarios) to SIMPLY praying they would know Jesus. That they would respond to God's call to them--to know Jesus as personal Savior and as they matured, to know Him as Lord.
I now pray that I would see all things as being used by God for my good and His glory. I do not sit and worry, but pray that I will stand strong, that I would weather the storm well, that in all things I would honor God. Of course, I pray for mercy and safety and protection and health. BUT I surrender to God's will. And trust that He is in control and He loves me.
I sleep like a rock. I'm not anxious about my kids. I am excited to see what God has for them. I can't imagine staying up worried when they're not home.
And I've felt somewhat embarrassed about that. Like I must not be a good mom. But that's a lie. And I'm not going to take the bait.
God has delivered me from anxiety. I am free. To God be ALL the glory and praise.
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