Protein or hairspray?

This was the basic decision I had to make each morning when I was in high school.  I'd be getting ready for school and mom would yell up, "Come eat some breakfast!"

[FYI: The whole conversation was in Spanish, but my memories have all been edited into English.]

Almost each time, I'd yell out I was not ready.  She'd reply, "What's more important?  Food or getting your hair done?"

Protein or hairspray?

I'd yell back, "My hair!  If I don't eat breakfast, no one will be able to tell.  If I don't finish my hair, people WILL know!"

I suppose it's fairly common to be more concerned with the outside, with what is seen and can be evaluated.  Just recently, in my study of Matthew, I read again how Jesus called the Pharisees out on this very thing.  Hypocrites, He called them.  Ouch.

I know myself.  I can be a Pharisee.  I can appear to be a certain kind of person and, in the privacy of my home, I am another.  This is a conviction that a few years ago drove me to intentionally integrate my personality.  I really felt like different people--each personality suited to the context.  I was careful what I said, where I said it, and which lingo I adopted.  I was a good church girl when I needed to be.  But it felt wrong when I'd catch myself mentally changing gears within a single conversation.  I'd be discussing a study with a friend and then I'd feel a turn in my spirit as we'd start to gossip or grumble about out spouse. Yuck!  I'm embarrassed to even type that!

Integrity. That was the goal. Either I loved God and wanted to glorify Him ALL the time or I didn't. No lukewarm belief.  Every time, or not at all.  I wanted to be consistent.  I still do.

It has been quite a journey.  And I give God all the praise for how far He's brought me.  There is, however, so much room for improvement!

In a recent Bible study, God brought me to the subject of how I am serving my family.  Once again, I saw that choice:  work on what is seen or what is not.

I dare say I've seen God do amazing things through the ministries I'm involved in.  I am conscious that any success there is because of God's enabling and gifting and providence.  I strive to surrender to His will and to allow Him to use me however He sees fit.  I trust Him to provide and to work things out according to His perfect timing.  I do what I can and leave results to Him.  All for His glory!

By God's grace, the study of Acts a few years ago did open my eyes to the fact that my first disciples are my children.  Another layer of growth.  The recent tug has been to focus more of my energy on my home.  Because I am realizing how much I neglect, yes NEGLECT the hidden ministry that goes on within the walls of my home.

I'm not going without a fight, because I do keep coming up with excuses.  They're pretty lame and I'm on to me, so it won't be long. I know I will ultimately succumb to God's gentle nudge.  He wants me to learn--and I get to choose the easy way (obedience to the nudging) or the hard way (and I don't want to imagine what that would need to be to get my attention).

I need to run my home with the same discipline and dedication that I give to the VISIBLE ministries in which I am involved.

I am afraid, to be honest, of what that will cost.  My week is a bit hyper scheduled to make it all fit.  And to be frank, I work best that way.  Unscheduled time becomes wasted time too easily for me.  I've mentioned before, idleness is dangerous.

I am trusting Him as I step into this new way of doing life.  The funny thing is that I have said, "If I could only get my act together, I would be freed up to really make an impact."  But I recognize that "getting my act together" will mean a cost to what I am doing now.