Dear Younger Me:
You have had a great run. I'm almost embarrassed to admit that you had a goal for your name to be known. Your last year of junior high was great fun and quite memorable on so many fronts. But something is beginning to take root and you will battle this for many years.
You are proud of your accomplishments.
You are proud of your standing in the pecking order.
You are proud of the mischief you've gotten away with.
You are proud that because you have gotten away with it you have not jeopardized any of your academic goals.
You are proud that you did it with no one's help.
You have failed to recognize God. There are people still in your life who talk to you about God, but you have tuned them out. You think you're smarter than they are. In fact, you think you know everything.
And yet you're scared because you fear you have peaked. You are afraid of high school and of falling back into obscurity. You can't even imagine what this next chapter could hold for you.
You are proud of yourself, but you are also waiting for them all to find out you're a fake. Your house of cards will fall and expose you for the scared, insecure girl who was left out and picked on. You are working hard to keep up appearances. It's exhausting, isn't it?
Yes, you have made your name known. Yes, you are poised to do great in school. Yes, you are determined to leave for college. And when all those things happen, you will continue to pat yourself on the back and give yourself credit.
You don't know yet about the Almighty, Sovereign God who holds the world together just by thinking of it. He is orchestrating your life for His glory. All the decision you think you're making for your benefit will one day serve Him. Even the things that seemingly fail and break your heart will be used to draw you to Him. He never wastes the experiences of our lives.
Believe it or not, you will struggle with wanting your name known for many years--in fact, it still is an issue. But I am grateful that more and more, the desire to make His name known occupies your heart and mind.
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