Dear Younger Me;
You are in high school. You can't imagine life beyond it. Sometimes that scares you because you think you may die young. You are actually quite obsessed with it. Especially since you think you aren't going to heaven. I see how that would be scary to imagine spending eternity in torment.
(Yeah, you got some great exposure at a young age to what the Bible says about the "alternative destination.")
You are still very much running from God, at least the version of God that is in your head. The one that is all about rules and behavior modification. You think, once you're old and have lived out all the fun things you want, THEN you can come back to God and follow all the rules.
But you also know there is no guarantee that you'll grow old. That's why you're so scared of an unimaginable future. Your daily prayer is, "God, don't let me die today." Dramatic much? It's true.
Yet you have a courage and daring that is really masking a fear that this life is the only time you can experience happiness.
You pray, "God, don't take me in my sleep. I'm okay with being in a terrible, painful accident, as long as I have time to ask for your forgiveness so that you will accept me." Messed up, right?
Yet you choose this fear of death because the fear of life with God is greater. Oh, how mistaken you are! Life with God is NOT what you have been taught up to this point. It is NOT rules. It is NOT misery. It is NOT boring.
God, who created this world and everything in it, has reached out to you, to us humans. He has chosen to let us know Him. And He has promised us abundant life. (That is not abundant "stuff," but a full-to-overflowing life.) The enemy of our souls wants us to think that God is boring, and demanding, and a kill-joy. He is LYING to you to keep you from living a life FREE with God.
That sly devil is using his tried-and-true method of having us doubt God's goodness. You already belong to God, even if you don't believe it right now, so the only thing that snake can do is keep you in bondage to wrong ideas about God.
One day you will be set free, truly. You will love the life God gives you. There will be joy and fun and adventure and purpose. It will be an abundant life.
And you will not fear death--because you know it is a defeated foe.
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