Learn to think the best.
And learn to have the hard conversations. Not just for the sake of arguing your point, but because you need this skill. Learn that you cannot read people's minds, and that it is really better to assume the best.
When someone doesn't wash the pots after the messy meal, it does not mean that they hate you. I'm not sure when you made that leap--attributing hate to unmet expectations. But that is thinking the worst.
Stop it.
With strangers who may cut you off in traffic. Don't mutter, "Jerk." Maybe they're distracted and in a hurry and simply didn't see you. Haven't you done that?
With acquaintances who seem to manipulate the conversation each time you're with them. Don't imagine they don't care about you--that they're choosing actively to ignore you. Maybe that woman is compensating because her whole childhood she was compared to a brother that was the star attraction at all family gatherings. Maybe it is still happening. Doesn't that stir compassion?
With friends that seems to be stuck in a pattern of behavior. Maybe their actions and reactions have nothing to do with you, but with things long past that have hurt them and affected them deeply. Pray for them to know God's freedom from that.
Take a deep breath and think the best.
Give grace. Forgive quickly.
There is no way to know for sure people's motives. They may not even be completely aware themselves.
But there IS a sure way to make yourself miserable--take it all personally and assume the worst. That will surely nurture bitterness and maybe even give birth to retaliation for what happened in your imagination. Is that what you want to consume you? Because it will consume you.
And guess what? As you live in this world of thinking and re-thinking all those hurts caused to you, you will inevitably hurt others. If you are consumed with your own pain, you will neglect and maybe actively hurt other people. What a crazy cycle!
Pray to God to break the cycle. He can. He wants to!
Because the closer you are to the person and the more often you see them will affect how you react, you can let things go or you can dive in and have a hard conversation.
Don't be afraid. Don't stuff the feelings. Don't let things keep going that are causing pain.
Pray some more. God will help you. He is there.
Begin with you. Process the situation--think the best and forgive them for hurting you. This will allow you to think clearly. What have you done to contribute to the situation? Did YOUR words and actions (or lack thereof) cause something? Do YOU need to ask for forgiveness? Own YOUR part in it before you ever approach someone about how they have hurt (or are hurting) you. Ask God to forgive you. Then you may need to ask the person to forgive you.
Sometimes you'll ask for forgiveness and they'll not even know what you're talking about. That's okay. You do. And God does. And really, that sets a tone between you that you will take responsibility for your actions and seek to preserve and heal the relationship. It is worth it. Don't let the enemy whisper into your ear that it's too embarrassing and that you don't need to do it.
When you really need to have that hard conversation, because the relationship is in danger of damage, proceed with caution. The GOAL is the preservation and strengthening of the relationship--NOT winning a debate or getting the last word or even forcing an apology.
Pray that the person will take your words well.
[Edited to include a thought from a recent sermon at my church: If the person you are seeking to communicate with does not know Jesus personally, your ultimate goal for them is that they would come to know Jesus. You are an ambassador of Jesus--and this whole process should DRAW them to Him. Be very careful not to be stumbling block.]
As much as it depends on you, live in peace. So speak with grace and truth with the aim of healing. And don't force it. It may take time for them to be ready to listen. Be patient and persevere.
And when you do speak, stick with what you know. You DO know how you feel or felt and what you saw or heard. You DO NOT know their motives or their feelings. Tell them how they made you feel--that is what prompted the conversation. If it wasn't a big deal in the first place, then forgive them and let it go. If it was, then it deserves the effort to do this right.
When they speak, listen. Check that you understand what they are saying. It feels WEIRD to mirror back their words to make sure you're getting what they're saying, but it is CRITICAL. Listen to understand, not to reply.
The closer you are to a person, the more important it is to learn how to have those hard conversations. Be the person that can be trusted when something needs to be addressed. Because you have forgiven the minor and let love cover offenses, then you are more likely trusted when you bring up the stuff that needs to be addressed.
They may never apologize or change. That is a topic for another time. Prayer is always a good response to the waiting and the work of good relationships.
Jesus said we would be known by how we treat others. Can the world tell you belong to Jesus?
It will show by how you treat all people: your husband, your children, your family members, your friends, your neighbors, the waitress, the person in line at the check out, the person you can't even see in the car that just cut you off.....all of them.
Live in peace.
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